The Difference Between a Sociopath and a Psychopath

As I was cruising around the internet doing some research, I found this little tidbit that I thought might be good information for some.  There are a few terms that seem to get thrown around to mean the same thing and they are not.  There is a category of behaviors that falls under the DSM - IV grouping of personality disorders called Anti-social.  Under this heading there are several different qualifications and I thought it might be helpful to understand the difference between a few of them.  Word of Caution: You may be tempted to relate these sociopath characteristics to your unreasonable friends, family and folks. However, only an expert and learned individual can diagnose a person as a sociopath. Hence, refrain from jumping to conclusions. 

Difference Between Sociopath and Psychopath

There are very few differentiations between sociopaths and psychopaths. There are many medical dictionaries that consider them synonymous. Both, sociopaths and psychopaths are involved in antisocial behavior that is related to extreme violence. Though psychiatrists group sociopaths and psychopaths together, criminologists have given some difference between sociopaths and psychopaths.

Behavior of a Sociopath	Behavior of a Psychopath
Sociopaths are very disorganized people	Psychopaths are obsessively organized people
Sociopaths cannot maintain normal relationships with their family, friends and co-workers	Psychopaths tend to have normal relationships with the people around them and are even able to take care of old parents and get married.
Sociopaths are not able to maintain a steady employment or house.	Psychopaths are very successful career-wise . Their ability to organize makes them very likable and trustworthy among people. Psychopaths tend to understand the emotions of others, but they themselves do not feel any emotions. Thus, it is very easy for them to manipulate people with emotional games.
Sociopaths are found living at the periphery of the society. A study carried out with the homeless people of New York as subjects, showed that most of them were sociopaths.	Psychopaths are found living in large apartments and houses and cannot be distinguished from normal people.
Sociopaths are very erratic and unplanned with their acts of extreme violence. There inability to plan ahead and be organized, makes them leave trails of clues. This makes it very easy to identify and zero-in on them.	Psychopaths tend to plan for years before they carry out their act of violence. They plan every single detail of their crime and ensure that they remain undetected. This organized and detailed planning makes it very difficult to catch them.

Sociopaths tend to see their victim as an instrument to be used for personal gains. They try to dominate others and humiliate their victims. They have no qualms lying and it becomes very difficult for them to be truthful. This, makes them believe falsely about their own greatness and powers. It is seen that they can easily pass a lie detector test. They have problems keeping friends, show cruelty towards people and even animals, etc. They have no problems when they play havoc in the lives of others and break their dreams. They do not feel guilty about their act, instead play the blame game and make others responsible for their acts committed. They tend to have promiscuity, involved in child sexual abuse, rape and indulge in sexual acting out of all types. They tend to change their image very often and their life story so convincingly that it helps them avoid prosecution. 

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Truly scary stuff....I believe that I have had a few individuals who had many of the characteristics listed here walk through the doors of my office and they are definitely a force to be reckoned with.  As human beings, we are used to dealing with a population who has self imposed boundaries.  We innately trust that people will just not do certain things but when those boundaries disappear, it can be very frightening.  It's similar to the trust that we have that our home is safe if we lock the doors, yet all it would take for a robber to get in would be to break a window.  We live behind the illusion that no one will do that, yet someone who has no boundaries and no conscience would have no problem doing that kind of thing.  For the most part, these types of individuals have no place in our society, yet 1% of the population is dealing with these kinds of disorders.  Women who marry this type of individual spend their lives trying to figure out what is wrong and often pay a very high price for doing that.

For those who ask the question, "Can they be helped?"   The answer is not often.  There are people in our society who have dedicated their lives to helping individuals with these kinds of disorders, but the most common obstacle is that the disorder itself causes them to believe that they are OK and the rest of the world is out of order.  They are superior and the rest of us are flawed....therefore they do not need help.  There are a few who have recognized that they need help, and once that happens it is a long, tenuous journey to a manageable life.  

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EMDR Therapy - Very Effective For Trauma

EMDR?  What is that?
A very common response when I mention the use of this therapy in situations where my clients have been victims of abuse, rape or assault.  EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is an extremely effective therapy which allows our emotional process to continue from where it has been stuck.  It was discovered and developed by Francine Shapiro who continues to facilitate the study of and effects of EMDR on trauma survivors.
When human beings have been through situations that are traumatic for them, those memories often get stuck along with the traumatic emotions that were generated along with them.  Why? Because emotions and memories are chemical.  When chemicals are not resolved within the body, sensations or smells, sights or sounds can trigger them again and the person relives those experiences over and over.  This is what Post Traumatic Stress is.  The condition is best seen in combat veterans who have been in life and death situations, over stimulated by sound in fearful circumstances, visually stimulated by horrific images that accompany combat situations.
One way our bodies process these feelings and memories is through rapid eye movement.  Rapid eye movement happens at night in REM sleep....when we reach REM sleep we dream.  It is not uncommon to have nightmares, vivid dreams or sensations after a traumatic incident.  In all reality, that is a good sign; however it can be uncomfortable and/or unpleasant.  I say it is a good sign because it is a sign that the traumatic incident is being processed, which is what we want to have happen.  The optic nerve is connected to the brain in such a way that the rapid movement of the eyes in a side to side (bi-lateral) motion facilitates the emotional process.  EMDR facilitates that same motion, allowing trauma that has become stuck and unresolved, to be processed.  The goal is not to erase the memory, but simply put, to take the emotional charge off the memory so that it simply takes the place of being another memory in our memory banks.  Additionally, EMDR is not guided imagery or hypnosis.  It facilitates our God given emotional resolution processes so that we can heal and move on with our lives.
It has only been in recent times where the use of EMDR has been expanded beyond the combat veteran scenario.  Those who work in the mental health field see traumatized individuals every day who have been in abusive relationships, car accidents, sudden huge losses or assault situations and recognize that these individuals also suffer from PTSD or a form of it.   EMDR is very helpful in facilitating the healing process and helping victims of every sort of trauma move forward.  EMDR also is beneficial for individuals who just find themselves stuck; stuck in their careers, stuck in their situations or not seeming to be able to move past certain behaviors or responses as well as the fears and beliefs that accompany them.
Speaking of fear, it might be helpful to note that there are only four basic fears; the fear of rejection, the fear of abandonment, the fear of death and the fear of dying.  All of our negative emotional responses have one or more of these four fears at the root.  It helps to be able to boil down our emotional reactions to identify which of these fears we are dealing with and then begin to confront the fear, recognize the lies we have believed and ask the Lord to help us see what the truth is.  These types of fears can be debilitating, however that is not to say that all fear is bad.  A feeling of fear walking down an urban street at 1am might be worth paying attention to as a means of discernment to get out of that situation quickly.
In closing, I want to communicate to my readers that emotions are neither good or bad, they are amoral.  Emotions are messengers of what is happening inside and we either choose to listen to them and take steps to correct the issues at hand, or we kill the messenger and refuse to listen.  Emotions can be our friend or if denied, they go on to cause difficulties in our lives in the form of creating self defense mechanisms or as a last resort, the body begins to break down in ways that facilitate disease.  Emotions never die, whether we choose to feel them or not.
If you have been the victim of a traumatic experience, I would encourage you to find a counselor who is well trained in EMDR and talk to them about whether this type of therapy would be beneficial for you.

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Why Is It So Hard To Leave?

When you work with women who have been, are in or are close to someone in an abusive relationship, the question of why it is so hard to leave inevitably comes up.  I thought I would share with you a little bit of technical information that might help answer that question.  The question is not an easy one to answer and to fully understand some of the considerations that go into these decisions you need to understand the concepts of conditioning, addiction and our basic need for love.

Let's start with the relatively easy one....our basic need for love.  In many places throughout scripture we learn that as human beings, we are created for relationship and for love.  Back as far as the story of Adam and Eve we find God saying that it is not good for man to be alone, that he should have a companion.  In more recent times a study was done by a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School that basically showed human beings being happier and healthier if they have love in their life as well as approval from others.   In short, love is crucial to the existence of human beings. It is as necessary to a good quality of life as the air we breathe.

We also know that the withdrawal of love is torturous to the human being.  You can see that very well when you look at children who are disciplined by a parent who ignores them as a form of punishment.  According to Kelly Coutee,

"In early childhood, a parent can provide negative mirroring by being contemptuous of the child or by withdrawing love as punishment. During this developmental phase, fear that the parent will leave if the child is not good enough (abandonment fear) can later cause shame to be experienced in perceived abandonment. "

When we withdraw love from a child they will do almost anything to restore it, which is why uninformed parents find it an effective punishment.

As adults, we are affected the same way, especially if we have grown up with a lack of love and/or acceptance in our lives.  That lack eventually forms a deep seated belief system that effects the way we look at things, people and life until that belief is changed.  If our self esteem is challenged, if we believe that we aren't good enough, if we believe that only this person will love us or we have been made to feel responsible for the good feeling and well being of another person, we will cling to that which we know rather than embrace that which we don't know.  There is a colleague of mine who practices Emotionally Focused Couples therapy and his comment is "women don't leave abusive relationships because the negative attachment that they have is better than the perceived isolation they believe they will have if they leave."  That makes a lot of sense.

The next part of this equation is the idea of conditioning.  Operant conditioning is a type of conditioning where the use of consequences has the effect of modifying behavior.  Abusive relationships use operant conditioning by the abuser to keep the victim controlled.  Resistance is soon worn down as the victim is conditioned to respond to tone of voice, facial looks, physical positions or other things that the abuser might use to control behavior.  In the beginning, those indicators would be followed by action, but after the conditioning has been accomplished, only the threat is necessary.

The last piece of the puzzle comes under the heading of addiction.....gambling addiction to be specific.  Addiction to gambling is not an addiction that is predicated on a substance such as drugs or alcohol.  In substance addiction there is a physiological dependence that the body develops in relation to the substance which then creates symptoms of physical withdrawal when the substance is removed.  Gambling has no such physiological quality.  So why is it one of the most difficult addictions to break?  Because it employs Intermittent Reinforcement.  B.F. Skinner discovered a very interesting concept with intermittent reinforcement in that  behavior that is reinforced intermittently is much more difficult to extinguish than behavior that is reinforced continuously.

Intermittent reinforcement is best described by the example of a slot machine.  Slot machines pay off at intermittent times and in variable amounts.  If you have ever had the experience of interacting with one of these machines, can you remember feeling that you got?  Just imagine.....you pull the handle and 13 coins fall into the tray.  You are excited!  The next three or four pulls of the handle don't result in anything, however the next one results in 5 coins.  You aren't as excited, but you begin to anticipate that within the next few pulls of the handle, you could get a return that is as exciting or better than the first one.  Wow!  The anticipation is exhilarating and you continue to play.  With each pull of the handle your hope increases that the big payoff is just a few pulls of the handle away!  Many individuals can sit at a slot machine for hours and hours with the anticipation of "the big payoff"!

Now with that in mind, remembering how important love is to us and understanding that an abuse victim lives in a very controlled environment, what would happen if the "payoff" was love?  How addicting would it be if that "payoff" came at intermittent times...perhaps one day the abuser does something nice and then it happens again in three days.  Then it happens again in a week.  There's an incident a few days later but then s/he does something nice the next day, then again in ten days and then again in four days.  Imagine too that there are variable amounts of  love/kindness/happiness that range from just a ceasing from abuse to going out to dinner or a bouquet of flowers.  The victim's anticipation for the next "payoff" rises and falls, but s/he is still looking for the next time......s/he lives for the next time.  For all intents and purposes, staying in an abusive relationship is a form of gambling addiction.  The victim is gambling for the big payoff that seldom if ever comes.

Dog trainers understand this kind of reinforcement very well as it is a planned training schedule that works effectively to increase positive behavior in the animals.  Trainers make sure that although there are treats that are given for good behavior or positive reaction, but these treats are given at specific intervals, not each time and not at equal intervals.

Conditioning is a part of how we learn as human beings, but it can either have positive or negative results depending on the scenario.   Intermittent reinforcement  when combined with the giving and withdrawal of love is traumatizing and destructive when combined with an interpersonal relationship.  It results in a skewed connectedness that is on one hand painful, yet on the other hand provides a false hope for change.  In this state, individuals find it very difficult to leave a relationship.  They believe there is hope, yet that hope is built on an addictive pattern of behavior that will only continue to cycle until someone breaks the pattern.  It is not until hope is gone that an individuals feel free of guilt or responsibility to the relationship and often makes the decision to break free.  Add other conditions such as Stockholm Syndrome and/or PTSD and the confusion escalates and the decisions become more difficult and more complicated to make.

Hopefully this has helped to answer the question of why it is so hard to leave a relationship that is abusive.  Hope is a powerful thing, as it should be.  Proverbs 13:12 says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life."  Successful interpersonal relationships are life giving and that is the hope that every couple has when they enter in to one.  It is often difficult to discern when that hope turns from true hope into false hope.

Co-Dependence or as it is otherwise known, Enabling

Today, I have a question from someone who is trying to identify the characteristics of a co-dependent loved one. Co-dependence within a marriage can look like enabling someone to continue in an undesirable behavior, or within a family it can interfere with the couples ability to be truly independent and complete the individuation process. Sometimes as parents, we don't realize when we are being co-dependent with our grown children, but it is something that needs to be talked about.
The question is:
"Hi - I've been dealing with serious difficulties in my marriage over the three years since the wedding. My wife is extremely inconsistent and emotional. After much work, I'm feeling as though my wife may have codependence issues from her family of origin and other relationships. Could you give a description of what types of general behaviours could be expected and how a person may act if they are codependent, but not in a codependent relationship?"
Even the best parents, out of a sense of love and caring may step over boundaries that they shouldn't. An honoring relationship doesn't take out of the hands of a competent person that which they can do for themselves, or should do for themselves. When we have trouble seeing someone we love struggle, it is important to ask ourselves why we want to help. Is it to relieve our own angst or because the other person truly needs help?
Studies have been done on children who have been born naturally and those that were born through a Cesarean section. Oddly enough, those who didn't have to struggle to be born are often more lay back and don't have as strong a desire to struggle through problems in order to achieve their goals. Interesting, huh?
The answer to the above question may shed some light on this subject:
"I'd be happy to share with you what I know about codependency. In what I'm about to tell you, it is important to know that even though these behaviors may be annoying, the person is not bad. Codependent people have learned these behaviors in order to survive through childhood and have depended on them in order to protect themselves. Sometimes women learn these behaviors because they believe they are feminine and that is what it means to be a lady. Other times, they have learned this behavior as a means to get their needs met. Whatever the reason is, it was legitimate at the time, in the circumstances where it was learned. When the person then changes their circumstances, the behavior doesn't work well anymore. It's like learning your lines to be in a play. You learn what to say, when to say it and where to say your lines. If you are then put in another play, those lines won't work, the marks you hit don't match and it becomes a mess if you don't learn new lines and new ways of behaving.

People who are codependent tend to feel responsible for others. They believe that they have control over what someone else feels, thinks, the choices they make, their well being and perhaps even their destiny. These are the abused women who fully believe that if they just change their behavior, how they act, what they say and what they feel, their abusers will be happy. These are the children who believe that if they are just better boys and girls, mommy will be happy and everything will be right with the world.

These folks will feel guilty when other people have problems and feel compelled to help that person solve the problem. They give advice, unasked for suggestions and try to "fix" everything. They also feel rejected when their "help" doesn't work or their advice isn't taken. They try to anticipate other people's needs and meet those needs and then wonder why others don't do that for them.

Codependent individuals say yes when they want to say no and get roped into doing things they don't want to do, or do more than their part. They usually don't know what they want or need and put others needs before their own consistently. This is a self worth issue. They work to please others at their own expense.

They can do much for others, but are unable to accept help or gifts or even compliments for themselves and they feel the most safe when they are giving to others. They will get very upset when another person experiences some kind of injustice, but are not so upset when they themselves are treated badly.

They are attracted to needy people and find that needy people are
attracted to them. Life tends to be boring if they aren't in a crisis, or have a problem to solve. Solving problems gives them self esteem. When someone needs them, they will drop what they are doing and respond. They over-commit themselves and often feel pressured, but at the same time, they relish the pressure because it shows others they are working hard to solve a problem.

Although they may not admit this, there is a deep down feeling that others are responsible for them, they blame others for not being responsible for them, blame others for the way they feel and say other people make them crazy. They often feel angry, victimized, unappreciated and used.

Other people often become impatient or angry with them because of these characteristics.

You can find more information about codependency in a book called Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie. These characteristics and more are listed in that book and it gives you a very well rounded perspective of a codependent person as well as ways to heal from codependency.

I hope this information helps to answer your question. If your wife is willing to go to counseling, she would benefit from that as this issue is very difficult to deal with on your own. These behaviors are the safety measures that have been put in place over time and fear will keep her locked in to them. Someone will need to walk this journey with her and a counselor is more able to hold her accountable than you are. It would not be advisable for you to fill that role."
Have a great day everyone! We're in the middle of a pouring rainstorm here. Looks like summer may be a few more weeks off!

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

In the realm of personality disorders, the DSM-IV TR lists a total of nine. Some of them are well known and some of them are not. The ones that most people are familiar with are the anti-social types which are commonly called serial killers or psychopaths. Narcissistic and Borderline Personality disorders are becoming more well known in our day and age as well. However, there is another disorder that is worth noting, considering the perfectionism that is becoming so standard within our culture. The one I am speaking of is Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.
There are no personality disorders that are ever diagnosed in children, however personality disorders are characterized as being pervasive over the lifetime. What that means is that even though the disorder may be recognized in its total extent once the person is 18 or older, in my opinion, when you look back over the person's early life as a child or adolescent, there are indicators there that can point toward these disorders in later life. For example, no psychologist or counselor would look at a child who abuses animals, mistreats insects etc and say they are serial killers, that would be inappropriate. However, when you look back over the lives of known serial killers, you will more than likely find that type of behavior. Individuals who are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder usually have childhoods that are filled with problematic behavior, exaggeration and mis-perception, but it needs to develop over time in order to see the course develop. It is the same way with OCPD. The person with this disorder is very rigid, preoccupied with rules and is unable to engage in the spirit or principle of a thing...they only see the rule. That doesn't mean that every child who is preoccupied with cleanliness and rules is going to grow up with this disorder, but it can mean that parents should pay attention to this behavior and do their best to bring a sense of balance to their child's life.
Mentalhealth.com puts it this way:
"Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder is a condition characterized by a chronic preoccupation with rules, orderliness, and control. This disorder is only diagnosed when these behaviors become persistent and disabling. The individual with this disorder often becomes upset when control is lost. The individual then either emotionally withdraws from these situations, or becomes very angry. The individual usually expresses affection in a highly controlled or stilted fashion and may be very uncomfortable in the presence of others who are emotionally expressive. The person often has difficulty expressing tender feelings, and rarely pays compliments.
Complications:
The individual's chronic preoccupation with rules, orderliness, and control seems to prevent many of the complications (e.g., drug abuse, reckless sex, financial irresponsibility) that are common to some other personality disorders. Occupationally, the individual tends to be a high achiever with an excessive devotion to work. However, inflexibility, perfectionism, preoccupation with detail, and inability to delegate work may seriously interfere with the individual's ability to complete a given task. The individual experiences occupational difficulties when confronted with new situations that demand flexibility and compromise."
OCPD differs from Obsessive Compulsive disorder in the following ways:
1. OCD is an illness with symptoms that change in severity over time, while OCPD reflects an overly rigid personality style that does not change much over a person’s lifetime.
2. OCPD is not associated with the obsessions and compulsions that are so prominent in OCD. Although people with OCD and OCPD might both carry out repetitive behaviors, the underlying motive is very different. While someone with OCD might repeatedly write out lists or organize items around the home to keep a catastrophe from taking place, someone with OCPD would be more likely to do these activities to increase their efficiency or productivity.
3. While people with OCD usually want to get rid of their symptoms, it is not uncommon for people with OCPD to see nothing wrong with their behavior and to feel that “other people” are the problem. Likewise, although people with OCD will usually seek help for the distress caused by their obsession or compulsions, individuals with OCPD will usually seek treatment because of conflict between themselves and family and friends related to their need to have others conform to their way of doing things.
4. People with OCPD often have very rigid views on “right versus wrong,” and this rigidity may extend to spending habits; people with OCPD are often described as miserly. Neither of these is a defining characteristic of OCD.
5. In comparison to those with OCD, people with OCPD tend to be more ruled by perfectionism and have a higher need for order and control in both their personal and professional lives. It is not uncommon for individuals with OCPD to become irritated by others who do not value order, perfectionism and exactness to the same extent that they do. Because of this perfectionism, it is not uncommon for people with OCPD to be overly devoted to work.
(comparison taken from http://ocd.about.com/od/diagnosis/f/OCD_OCPDFAQ.htm)
This particular disorder can be categorized in a nutshell by understanding that people with OCPD live entirely in their heads, often to avoid the pain of life that is seen as out of control. They are preoccupied with excellence, perfection and production, to the extent that the feelings of those around them are insignificant. Their connection to their hearts has been mostly cut off which gets in the way of deep, intimate relationships. As with most of the personality disorders, feelings are "done" rather than "felt". Often, individuals who are Christians come into counseling because they don't understand why their relationship with God seems so distant. They view others who seem to be able to hear God speak to them, feel His presence and have a productive prayer life and may wonder why they can't "do that".
When you look at the world with the understanding of OCPD, you may see some different things. This is often a very lonely existence, made up by working harder and harder at production and excellence. The question then begs to be asked, does our society...the one which places SO MUCH emphasis on beauty, perfection and success...does it create and feed disorders such as this? What do you think?

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